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Wednesday, 26 October 2011

The hormones are at it again.

I've heard horror stories of how bad pregnancies could be, between nausea and sleepless nights, constant aches and pains and so much more.

Me? Haven't had to deal with any of those. I work for a chiropractor so my physical pains were dealt with efficiently and rapidly. I've had a bit of acid reflux, but nothing worth bothering anyone about.

Also, expectant mothers I speak with on a regular basis are dealing with huge contractions as our bodies prepapre for labour. Mine? Barely worth mentioning.

The one issue during my pregnancy, though, has been my hormones. Them be nasty witches.

The first three months, I was crying all the time. Not sad-crying - I was simply seeing things in a different perspective. My midwife told me the hormones would settle down after the first trimester.

I stopped crying: I started getting mad. I was overreacting to every single situation. And it was hard, constantly second guessing myself, wondering if my anger was legitimate.... or hormone induced.

Now? The crying is back, and I'm not sure why I'm crying anymore. I'm fine one minute, laughing and joking. Then, suddenly, something flashes in my mind and these gut-wrenching tears pour out of me.

I'm scared of what's coming, scared of caring for this tiny baby who'll be dependent of me. I'm scared of how we're going to make due.

My fiancé and I have been spending a lot of time together lately. We both know what changes the baby will bring and we're closer than ever now, as we mentally prepare. And it's making it harder and harder when he leaves for work to just watch him go. He's a trucker, you see, often gone for a whole week before I get to see him again.

I feel like I'm dealing with stuff alone all the time, which isn't fair to him because he supports me emotionally, and without him, we wouldn't have a roof over our heads. But I miss him so much, and it isn't helping my already .... busy hormones. (Let's stick with 'busy', ok?)

And that's pretty much where I've been hiding lately. Avoiding....life. Just going day to day, one step at a time.

I hope you are all doing well.

Tanya

2 comments:

  1. Tanya, my dear, you're going to be a wonderful mother! :)

    I certainly understand how you feel being without Sam, and it must be even harder with the baby on the way. But you're the strongest person I know, and you can make it through I know it! Little baby Liam will have such a happy life with such a loving family. <3

    If you ever need anyone to rant to or cry to, I'm always here. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude! You'll be such a wonderful mom and Liam will totally adore you. <3

    Good luck and god bless.

    ReplyDelete

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